Tag Archives: Dating

33 Things You Didn’t Know About Men

things you didnt know about men 1 La Wlooo!!!...33 Things You Didnt Know About MEN

I originally wrote and published this in March 2011. Much has changed since then; much hasn’t.. Enjoy!

1. Men don’t like snobs. And no, they don’t like snobby behavior either. Why? They interpret it as rejection and bad manners. Remember, there’s a big difference between having that sexy self-confidence and that turn-off, holier-than-thou attitude.

2. Men of quality will choose a neat and presentable girl over a good-looking girl any day. There’s no point in dating a Gisele look-alike if she’s dressed like a hooker. That being said, yes, your man will enjoy you being the biggest b**** in bed, but you better be a lady in public. Men take no pride in boasting a hooker look-alike girlfriend. For starters, his friends will either make fun of him or make jokes about banging her. That’s not flattering for either of you.

3. Stop worrying about your silly tick or your wide hips or split ends or small breasts; and most importantly stop bringing attention to them. When a man really likes you, he’ll ignore your trivial bad characteristics.
But,
4. Never underestimate a man’s attention to detail. If you have Sasquatch toes, he’ll run away. If you have hairy arms, armpits or upper lip, he’ll run away. If you have crooked, homeless guy teeth, he’ll run away. If you have bad breath that smells like a bird flew into your mouth and died, he’ll run away. And although some women may tolerate some body odor on men, it doesn’t work the other way around. If you smell bad, your man will run away. Men love the sweet smell of a woman’s skin and hair so make sure you don’t smell like rotting onions that have been roasting under the sun for weeks!

5. Yes, women hate it when men compare them to their mothers; but oddly enough, a man is attracted to a woman that reminds him of his mother (think: Oedipus). So, if you feel his mom is an evil b****, it’s highly likely you’re an evil b**** as well. Embrace it instead of trying to pick at it. Why? Because men love their moms.

6. Keep in mind that:
Men cry too, they just don’t make a dramatic Shakespearean show out of it like women do.
A man can be infatuated by you for five minutes, then forget you for the remainder of his existence.
Men can go crazy over a woman’s smile.
When a man tells you he doesn’t understand you, it’s because you’re not thinking the way he is.
Whether he’s lazy or super hard-working, every man has dreams bigger than his ego. And we all know how big a man’s ego is, so don’t crap all over his dreams.
When a guy keeps teasing you, it means he’s into you. Not much has changed since kindergarten.  

7. Never underestimate or question a man’s ability or power. Whether he’s driving around trying to find that new restaurant, or trying to fix your phone or his TV set, never tell him: “you don’t know what you’re doing.” Instead, smile and be his co-pilot or partner in crime. Once again, mind the ego.

8. Men are self-conscious about their weight too. They don’t like having a beer belly or those extra love handles, so don’t squeeze them and say “oh how cute!!” No man wants to be your teddy bear, he wants to be your beast and rock your world. Again, with the ego.

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9. A man can flirt around with 54 girls per day, but right before he goes to bed he only thinks about that one girl he truly cares about; whether it’s a girl he broke up with 7 years ago or his current lover or his best friend’s girl. It all comes down to that.

10. You’re not playing smart by telling a man: “Umm, you know what?  . . .  never mind, forget about it.” You’re not being a tease; you’re being a stupid child. He will most likely jump to a conclusion so far from what you were actually thinking . . . then hell may break loose. Remember that thing about the ego?

11. Never talk about your ex-boyfriends. Men hate it. Their imaginations will run wild too. On that note, when you tell a man you’re friendly with your Ex; his mind registers it as: “my Ex and I still hook up every now and then.”

12. When a man asks to meet your parents, don’t stop him. You never know, just a few months down the line, you could be begging him to meet your parents – and he’ll be refusing . . . this sh** tends to happen. A lot.

13. No girl likes an emotionless man. The key here is moderation, so don’t keep trying to provoke your man in order to get a reaction out of him. If he’s provoked enough, you’ll be getting much more than a heated temper (and no girl likes that either).

14. When a girl says “no” to a guy, he usually interprets it as “try again later.” When a girl says “yes,” he interprets it as “I want you to f*** me.” There’s no such thing as being too hard to get, but there is such a thing as being too accessible. Men don’t like accessible girls, they enjoy the thrill of the chase and prefer a girl that’s a challenge; someone who’s been unattainable to the guys before him.

15. Although they will deny this, men are even bigger and worse gossipers than women. They have the power to spread a story across the face of the earth faster than a woman can put her shirt back on.

16. It’s smart thinking to test a guy before you can believe and trust him, but make sure that doesn’t go on for too long. Distrust on the longterm is interpreted as low self-esteem, and low self-esteem is a big turn off for any man.

17. When a man has had a rough day, he’d rather be left alone to lick his wounds (caveman style). If you’re privileged enough, he will share his problems with you. Don’t nag, don’t philosophize, don’t give advice and don’t breathe. Just listen to him and be there for him. Be quiet for once.

18. Although they may not show it, it’s super f***ing hard for a guy to move on and let go of his girlfriend after a breakup; especially if they’ve been together for over 2 years.

things you didnt know about men 3 La Wlooo!!!...33 Things You Didnt Know About MEN

19. During Courtship:
If a girl really makes a guy suffer, it would be tremendously hard for him to let go of her.
Men are willing to do anything to capture the attention of a girl they really like.

20. If your relationship is serious, it is more likely that the man loves you more than you love him; so even if a man tells you he loves you once every 34 months, there’s no need slit your wrists. It still means he loves you. Instead, try focusing on his actions, not his words.

21. Never dig into your man’s personal belongings without asking first. Whether it’s his phone, laptop, sock drawer or anything that’s his; if you’re looking to find something bad, you definitely will – and honey, your prying nose ain’t gonna like it. We all have a history. Accept that he does too and focus on other more important things, like why you’re such an insecure and nosy little b****.

That being said . . .

22. Don’t open Pandora’s Box unless you’re ready to face the consequences. Also, if you snoop around, don’t tell him or he’ll a) lose respect for you or b) begin snooping through your phone every single day just to spite you.

23. Men hate it when their woman is wearing too much make up. Men also hate it when a woman’s hair is full-on coiffed with half a bottle of hairspray squirted into it. Men like to run their fingers through your soft hair without requiring a wrench to pull their hand out of your head. They also like to play with your face and kiss your cheeks without hearing “eeeeek! you’re ruining my make up!” men interpret excess make up as a) a clown at a circus or b) hooker in a brothel.

24. Even if they don’t admit it, men do not appreciate it when they buy you a 2,000 dollar gift then receive a 200 dollar gift from you. That spells: G-O-L-D-D-I-G-G-E-R! It also says you’re an ungrateful person who believes she is entitled to receiving without giving back. If you can’t afford buying him something close to that value, don’t accept his gift in the first place.

25. When you want to “teach” your man something, do it in private. In public, they must appear to know everything. On that note, never try to emasculate your man in front of his friends or family; he will hate you for that. His friends will hate you for that. His family will hate you for that. They will all encourage him to leave you. Unless he’s completely whipped, he will most likely, eventually leave you.

26. If a man says “I’ll call you” and he doesn’t, it doesn’t mean he forgot, it doesn’t mean he lost your number, it doesn’t mean he had a family emergency, and it doesn’t mean he’s lying dead in the hospital. It means he simply didn’t want to call you. Why? Who cares! Next!

27. Always be direct with a man. Never use mixed signals. If you want to get what you want, don’t say “yes” when you mean “no” or “go ahead” when you mean “stay” or “I don’t mind” when you mean “don’t you dare.” Be a woman, damn it, not a silly little girl.

28. Every man is a pedophile to some degree. A man loves it when his woman acts like a baby and he loves her timidity, innocence and purity. Don’t mistake these characteristics for being “naïve, stupid, ignorant, weak and dependent” – men hate that.

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29. Men love a sexy, sultry, elegant woman who turns people’s heads when she walks into a room. Sometimes though, men prefer it if you wore no make up, a T-shirt with jeans and sneakers, and tied your hair in a ponytail. Simplicity is also nice.

30. Most men don’t mind if you’re short. They will mind if you’re fat though. When a man tells you that you just need to “work out at the gym,” that’s his polite way of telling you “you need to lose weight!” But – no man likes a scrawny, boney, semi-anorexic, breastless, butt-less, curve-less skeleton either.

31. When threatening to “unleash your inner b****” to a man, you are not intimidating him at all. Instead, he is a) disgusted, b) secretly laughing at you, or c) possibly not even listening to your empty threats and growling. On that note, a man hates a woman that loses her composure. Shouting and screaming is a big no-no. If you want to get your point across, think Al Pacino from the Godfather part I (not part III): calm and terrifying.

32. Men hate women’s drunken dramatic alter egos. Whether it’s aggressive, emotional, out of control, or plain weird, they just hate it. They especially hate it when they have to watch you vomit while holding your hair back – that’s your best friend’s job – at 16. At 26? Not so much . . .

33. Fact: Married men tend to have a longer life expectancy than single men, but married men are the ones more willing to die.

 

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The Daily Rant: Stupid B****es That Piss Me Off!

Greetings, to the three or four people out there who are actually going to read this. Since it’s quite evident that my blog has become a neglected garbage dump where I can archive work that I write for other successful websites and blogs, I am attempting to revive it by writing up “The Daily Rant” since I’ve been falsely labeled the “Queen of Hate” on numerous occasions.

Not only will this grant me the chance to bore you with my daily drama, but it will serve as what could be an online diary, helping me to maintain my sanity in this crazy world we live in.

SO, here’s what I’d like to talk about today: Stupid b****es that piss me off!

If there’s one thing I hate above all, it’s giving advice to those who do not want to listen.

B**** I don’t even care about your problems. I’ve got enough of my own, so when you want to nag on my head for three hours and ask me what I think about the douchebag that’s treating you like crap, you better listen to me and do what I say. The reason I’m giving you advice is because you’re acting like an irrational b****, and I’m not. If you choose to ignore me, it’s fine . . . just don’t come crying to me in 8 months when you’re heartbroken, ‘cause 1) your heart ain’t broken or else you’d be dead instead of wondering what the hell went wrong, and 2) you wouldn’t be in this situation if you’d listened to me in the first place.

B**** here’s the thing: if you’re happy with your man to begin with, you wouldn’t go asking every friend, relative, duck and closet for advice on what to do. You wouldn’t be practicing your speeches in front of your bathroom mirror. You wouldn’t be wanting to vomit all over your breakfast because you’re wondering where he’s been for the past 72 hours. You simply wouldn’t be mildly contemplating suicide or making me want to voluntarily stab your face.
When you know that your man’s an a**hole and you continue accepting his a**hole behavior by giving him 78 chances to keep being an a**hole, you become the a**hole – and frankly I can’t deal with this sh** anymore.

It’s pure logic! I don’t understand these girls . . . and frankly, I don’t think I like them very much either! These are the girls that come and ask me for advice, harass me with questions and bore me with updates for days:
“He just called. How many times should I let it ring before I answer?”
“How many minutes should I wait before texting him back?”
“Waaaaaaaaaa, I miss my ex, I wish he was more like my ex…WHY did I break up with my ex, WHY?”
“He just drunk-sexted me at 1 am. Should I go over to his apartment?”
“I.can’t.take.it.any.more.waaaa.why.is.this.happening.to.me-e-e-e-e-eee?”
“He hasn’t made plans with me in 2 weeks. Maybe he thinks I don’t care anymore. Maybe I should call him 20 times instead of 10 today.”

WTF!

Then when things are better, they f***ing disappear! Not only do I feel used and abused, but if I ask her how it’s going with her douchebag, she will suspiciously smile at me and say, “great!” and if I dare tell her to be careful, she will snap at me and say, “You know, my boyfriend is an amazing guy! Why don’t you give him a chance?! Why are you always attacking him? Why can’t you see me happy?!”

Oh no you didn’t!!!

Well, at this point, I couldn’t care less about drama mama and her beloved bastard, and deep down in a very dark place in my soul, I start wishing that he dumps her (which he will, because he’s an a**hole and she’s an idiot).

To make a long story short, if you’re an annoying stupid b**** who’s a complete idiot when it comes to relationships and dating, spare your friends from your drama! You should probably stop watching high school rom-coms too because that sh** doesn’t happen in real life. Your love life will never come with a cheesy soundtrack and magical fireworks, and your guy certainly won’t be professing his undying love to you when he booty calls you at 2 am. The only thing he wants from you is a hug, on his penis, from your mouth – so wake the f*** up!

Anyway, in case one of the six of you that read this wants to be a holier-than-thou St. Theresa, spare me! Please don’t f***ing preach to me about how I’m such a bad person and how you’re such a first-class friend because you sadistically enjoy listening to human misery day in, day out. If you’re one of those fake ass goody two-shoes, I don’t care about how you won the “best friend of the year” award.

Also, don’t bother complaining about how I swear too much or how I’m so angry — this is a rant, not a prayer.

Have a brilliant day!
R

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Will You Marry Me?

will you marry me e1320693189675 La Wlooo!!!...Will You Marry Me?

I have realized that the dating scene in Lebanon is close to non-existent. I have been studying this behavior for the past ten years, and it’s almost always two scenarios:
a) the friends with benefits (a.k.a. the booty call)
b) the girlfriend/boyfriend relationship (a.k.a. soon-to-be husband and wife from day one)

I’m not here to change anyone’s tactics, but whatever happened to that period of time designated to getting to know the other person better before you take it to the next step and tell everyone you’re together? I’m talking about that phase called dating that could last anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. I’ve been unfortunate enough to have met some horndogs who clearly just wanted a physical relationship, but that’s typical of a guy isn’t it? So it’s usually easy to snub these guys off and kindly ask them to rediscover the magical powers of their right hand. Life goes on.
BUT, what isn’t easy is coming across a guy who is totally clingy and wants to call you his “girlfriend” and possible future wife after 48 hours of meeting you. Yes, these “men” do exist . . .

Signs of a clingy man-gina:

Note that all of the following steps happen in the duration of four weeks or less.

The Encounter: He meets you on a Monday. He asks for your number and/or BB pin.  He calls you nonstop. By Wednesday he’s already called you 21 times. He even reports to you: “I just got home. I just left home. I just got to work. I just had lunch. I ate fassoulia . . . but I hate fassoulia . . . but my mom made it so I had to. What I do like is bazella w riz. I am going to nap. I just woke up. Let me tell you about my dream.”
STOP!
This is unacceptable behavior. Nothing is left to the imagination. I will go ahead and call this: harassment. It’s like a rule between couples in Lebanon: must report every detail. If you don’t, you’ll be labeled dishonest and incapable of committing to someone.

The Date: He takes you out on a date or two. The minute you lock lips, he doesn’t waste a minute to tell everyone you’re his girlfriend. In some cases, he may send you a relationship request on Facebook within the first two weeks to make sure it’s been appropriately declared to the entire galaxy.
This is basically the weakling’s way of making it known that you’re off the market. He wants you all to himself and wants no one else near you. You can no longer make plans with your friends without including him. God forbid you tell him to brace himself – or worse – that he’s not your boyfriend. He will give you attitude (like a girl), keep throwing hints at you (like a girl) and try to make you jealous (like a girl). In brief, he will turn into a full-fledged GIRL. He’s what we can refer to as “msharda2”.
As things progress at an unnatural pace, names on the phone should be changed to “Roger Hayete” and “Lara Habibi” with designated ringtones.
*Nausea*

The Friends: After asking everyone he knows about you (as though he’s buying a new car) and getting the 411 on everything related to your past, he will introduce you to all of his friends – all of them – granted that the carfax he gets is squeaky clean. He will ask his friends – in front of you – what they think about you because he’s too insecure to survive without society’s constant approval of his decisions and behavior. If you actually grow to like one of his friends, telling him “Hey I like Mark. He’s cool,” will only make him turn green with envy but he’ll “mask” it by telling you all sorts of ugly things about Mark so that no one robs him of his imaginary alpha male status.
It’s sad because he doesn’t know how ridiculous he sounds; he actually thinks he’s being smart. At this point you see right through his insecurities and potential menstruation possibilities. While you are disgusted, he’s already planning your wedding in the back of his mind.

The Male Friends: Your guy friends will be the object of his mystification. Whenever you tell him you’re going to have coffee with your male best friend, he gets that bewildered, stupefied, baffled, confused, perplexed expression on his face as he feels he’s being disrespected. It’s usually followed by a useless conversation like this:
Mr. Stupefied: “I like Ryan. He’s cool. So . . . how come you two never dated?”
You: “Because I consider him to be my brother as well as my best friend.”
Mr. Stupefied: “Ah. Oh. Ooh. Eh. I see. I just don’t believe in platonic friendship.”
You: “Is there a problem?”
Mr. Stupefied: (laughing and giggling retardedly) “No, no, no, noooo. Not at all.”
After telling him he’s insecure, he will look at you in disbelief as he tells you you’re the first person to ever tell him that, for he is known as the alpha male of his pack. We all have our dreams.

The Interrogation: He will find hypothetically intelligent ways to ask you about your sexual history.
Inspector Clouseau: “I love Usher’s new song.”
You: “Me too!”
Inspector Clouseau: “By the way, how many guys have you been with . . . umm, ohh, uuuhhh, you know, intimately?”
You: “Does it matter?”
Inspector Clouseau: “No, no, of course not! But it does in a way. I just think that three is more than enough. So, have you been with more than three?”
You: “Are you f***ing serious?”
Inspector Clouseau: “Ha Ha Haaa, I’m only kidding. But really now, how many?”
You: “HOW IS THAT EVEN RELEVANT?!

You see, he has a simple case of “I’m utterly retarded but I just haven’t realized it yet.”
One day.

The In-Laws: He’ll invite you to have lunch with his family (as a very official “what do you think of my new girlfriend” type of thing). You will witness their eyes on you at every instant. They will ask you a variety of questions that would indicate if you’d make a good life-long mate for their daughter son and bear healthy offspring. This means you should speak at least three languages, not smoke or drink (for a healthy uterus) and display good manners and values (which you will be passing down to your unborn children). There is no need to feel like you’re a frog being dissected. This is a normal move that your homo “boyfriend” does on every girl he dates. He’s actually offended that you haven’t done the same yet. He hints that he’d like to be invited for lunch. You pretend to be deaf. He keeps hinting for the next few weeks.

The Future: Yes, he talks about it a lot. He tells you about his career plans, his travels, where he’s planning on living, how many children he’s planning on having and what schools he wants them to go to. The not-so-subtle hints in his speech imply – nay, verify – that you are included in that future.
Psycho Husband-to-be: “I want to put my kids in a French school.”
You: “Oh. Good for you. I want to put mine in an English school.”
Psycho Husband-to-be: “WHAT?! NEVER! MY CHILDREN MUST LEARN THREE LANGUAGES!”
You: “What the f*** is your problem? You can pin tails on YOUR kids for all I care.”

To paint a clearer picture, he will send you a photo of him carrying a baby. As you find yourself wondering what the bloody point is, you realize he’s trying to sell you the “I’ll be a good father” image.
*Barf*
He may also show you his baby photos or tell you the 1001 tales of how he was a gorgeous child.
This is when you realize that his ovaries are aching for a fetus.

In less than two weeks, he’s already told you he loves you. He’s already made plans with you for the next 70 years; he’s already introduced you to every living soul he knows. He’s already put so many rules and conditions to bore, suffocate and choke you instead of enjoying what could have been a natural dating process.

At this point, you feel harassed, abused and suffocated. You have had enough and decide it’s time to set some ground rules. You explain to him that he needs to chill a little because he’s freaking you out. He is now offended on 56 different levels, and decides that you are immature and incapable of committing to a relationship. He makes you look like the weird person (because it’s only normal to make marriage plans after sharing one meal together).

I’m just sick and tired of hearing that all women are clingy, needy and obsessed with marriage. Last time I checked, the roles have kind of reversed and there are way too many twisted guys out there that have destroyed the notion of what a man should be like. I dedicate this week’s entry to all my girlfriends (and all the girls out there) who have had to tolerate such losers; you don’t need to accept this crap, because if the roles were reversed, they would have been running for the woods after date #2.

As for those women out there who appreciate and encourage this sort of behavior, I wonder if you’ve asked yourselves how much a man values you as a person if all he’s trying to do is mold you into his perfect trophy wife. Does he want to get married because it’s you that he loves? Or does he “love” you because you can fill up the spot of “wifey” in his distorted idea of a marriage? Think about it.

“Women don’t make fools of men most of them are the “do-it-yourself” types.”

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Women’s Nine Deadly Words

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In dire need of humor while procrastinating at work, I found myself browsing through thechive.com where I found something interesting about the deadly words that women say to men. The problem is, women are very expressive. We can talk for hours; talk and talk till we’re all talked out, and the more we talk the less men listen. When we are really in one of those moods, we are very brief and limit our self-expression to two words or less – just like men – except what we say is rarely ever what we mean. Men still don’t understand this because they are simple and direct.
I’d like to add my two cents to the nine deadly words I came across today, in hopes that I may contribute in facilitating the communication process between simple men and their complex women.

Fine: When a woman tells you “I’m fine” after you’ve ticked her off, be sure that in her head she’s already killed you 5 times. She is anything but fine. She is furious. She still wants to argue and she wants to make sure that you’re as crushed as she is before she feels fine.
Similarly, if you’ve made plans for a romantic getaway and decide to cancel last minute because you have some work to finish up or because your friend is flying into town, you will ask her if it’s okay that she stays home and she will respond with “fine”. You may kiss her on the forehead and hug her for being so supportive, but she’s not. You better find a way to make it up to her very fast or she will unleash all hell’s fury on you after her long talking hiatus.

Five Minutes: You’re going out for dinner. You reach her place and wait for her in the car to finish getting dressed. She tells you she needs five minutes. It means she probably just got out of the shower and is still drying her hair. Even if she’s ready and fully dressed, it’ll take her a while to stare at herself in the mirror, pick at her split ends, adjust her cleavage, re-think her choice of shoes, make sure her dress isn’t too long or too short and examine her butt for a good five minutes alone. This means, when she says “I need five minutes” you can safely conclude that she needs 20 to 40 more minutes.
Learn it, live it, love it.
Some men have made the mistake of leaving the girl’s house after a 10 minute wait to teach her a lesson. That is called “playing with fire.” She will snap at you with accusations of how you’re discourteous, inconsiderate and offensive (regardless of her making you wait half an hour). Not only will you never hear the end of it, but she will be the victim of disrespect no matter what.

Nothing: You know that something is wrong; you feel it in your bones. You must have done or said something that really pissed her off. This usually occurs in a public setting or at least in the presence of a third person. You ask her what’s wrong and she says, “Nothing.” Usually “nothing” is followed by silence and if she acknowledges your presence, it’s usually with a very cold stare. The longer the silence, the bigger the argument. Prepare yourself. There’s usually no way out of this. If you choose to accept that nothing is wrong, she will find a way to blow it out of proportion and label you as insensitive and ignorant. If you keep asking, be ready to accept that you’ve done something wrong although you’ll be called an idiot for not know what your mistake was.

Go Ahead: She is not giving you her consent, she is testing you. If you want to do something like have dinner with your ex-girlfriend or go somewhere like a strip club with your friends, she’ll tell you “go ahead.” What she really means though is “don’t you f***ing dare!”
Of course, you will end up going. Be prepared to receive the cold shoulder for hours, maybe days. Expect for her to go on a girls’ night out and return home drunk at 5 am. If you express your disappointment towards her behavior, she’ll accuse you of having double standards. If you act indifferent about it, she’ll keep poking at you till you explode. Either way, you’re going to suffer till you repent.

Loud Sigh: This is usually expressed when there are no words for her to convey how much of a douche bag she thinks you are. In her head there are hundreds of insults flying around, all directed at you. The long sigh embodies the 685 insults in a graceful manner. This can happen at the beginning or ending of an argument when she realizes, “what am I doing with this idiot?”Of course since you’re oblivious to what this sigh really means, you’re only confirming to her that you are indeed, an idiot.

That’s Okay: You admit to doing something wrong, like lying to her. With a kind and understand smile she says, “That’s okay.” This is a code red. If you look hard enough you’ll notice the redness begin to form in her eyes and the veins starting to pop out of her neck. Days and weeks may pass before you realize that she has been waiting for the perfect opportunity to get her revenge. Always remember that a woman can never be this calm when you do something to piss her off, and the natural balance of the universe will not be restored she releases the wrath of hell upon you.

Thanks: This can be genuine and sincere. Be warned of the undertone because there’s a thin line between sincerity and sarcasm. If she emphasizes her thank you, “Thanks a lot” you better know that she wants to murder you. The worst thing you can do at this point is say, “You’re welcome.” In this case, you’re either stupid, pretending to be stupid or just a full-fledged idiot. Either way, you’re not getting a “get out of jail free” card. She will make you suffer.

Whatever: This is the crème de la crème of the deadly words. When a woman says this, it means she can’t be bothered to argue. When a woman reaches the point where she finds it useless to get angry or nag or argue or prove a point or solve a problem, it means your stupidity has killed every last ounce of passion in the relationship. Of course, she will still hope that you get raped by a herd of mad goats, stomped by them, and then grovel in the dirt till you get second degree burns from the sun until you rot.

Don’t worry, I got it: This comes after she has asked you to do something several times, but ends up doing it herself. Of course, she will then give you the cold shoulder after which you’ll ask her what’s wrong. She’ll say “nothing” followed by an argument, followed by a “that’s okay” followed by a loud sigh after which you’ll do something to make up for it, to which she’ll say “thanks”. Whatever you do, her mindset will be “too little, too late.”

I’m not saying women are melodramatic beings who hold grudges and seek revenge because we’re operated by malevolence. I’m also not saying men are ignorant buffoons that wouldn’t know right from wrong if it hit them on the head. I’m just surprised we can get along at all, but it’s our differences that make it all so fascinating.

“Women are made to be loved, not understood.” Oscar Wilde

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8 Stupid Mistakes Women Make With Men

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Women are always the victims – always – and although “All men are assholes,” and “See? This is what always happens to nice girls like me!” are usually “valid” reasons as to why he stopped calling or lost interest, they’re far from the truth.
In many cases, yes, men can be assholes. BUT, in all cases it’s an “it takes two to tango” situation. Women tend to forget how their behavior directly affects the direction of the relationship; so when things go wrong, the man is blamed – fully – and the woman holds on to her victim card as she complains about the scarcity of good men and the wretchedness of being man-less. In some cases when a woman does ask herself or her friend, “Where did I go wrong? What did I do wrong? How? When? What? Blah?!” it usually ends with the most ridiculous and complex analysis that has nothing to do with the situation. I’m not Oprah or Dr. Phil, but I’ve gathered information from personal experiences, friends’ mistakes, and things I’ve heard from hundreds of men about the mistakes women make during the early stages of a relationship that get their men running for the woods.

1.       The Verbal Diarrhea: Being sociable and fun is lovely. Awkward silences are uncomfortable. BUT, when you keep talking regardless of the content and without pausing to take a breath, it becomes very childish. Men will perceive this as irritating, insecure, nervous behavior. He will not only block out the sound of your voice, but he will no longer be intrigued by you as he will perceive you as an insecure child. Remember, silence is golden; and silence also means that you indeed have a brain that processes information and ears that listen. When you are silent, it makes a guy wonder what you’re thinking about – and that is intriguing.  

2.       The Open Book: When you meet a guy, the last thing you want to do is spill your heart out to him. Do not tell him sob stories about your exes, or talk to him about your sexual escapades, or about how you have abandonment issues because of your father, or how your mother teases you about your weight. Do not complain about your jiggly arms or your fat thighs or your chunky belly (which he probably never noticed until you brought attention to them). Do not tell him your friends’ secrets or gossip about half the country. Do not tell him how you’ve liked him and stalked him for months on Facebook while asking people about his latest news. Let him wonder, “Does she like me? What does she want?” Telling him too much is like going to see a movie but seeing the spoilers first. Why read a book when you already know what happens in every chapter? It becomes predictable and boring. A man likes to be intrigued and finds it a lot more interesting and challenging to discover who you are and how you think one step at a time. The more mysterious you are, the higher his interest level.

3.       The Human Disclaimer: When it comes to what you expect from the guy or the relationship, it’s simple: keep your mouth shut. Women believe that they should state all facts and requirements before the 4th date so that they don’t waste any time:
“I’m looking for a serious relationship and I want to get married. I don’t want someone who is going to waste my time or break my heart. I’ve wasted enough time and gotten my heart broken way too many times. I want a gentleman who will worship me, take care of me and treat me like a princess. I don’t want someone who just wants to fool around and have fun.”
After you say that, the guy’s face will probably turn yellow as he wipes the sweat off his forehead and reminds himself to breathe. Why? Because he just understood that you want to marry him tomorrow simply because you want to get married (and not because you like him as a person). He also understood that you are probably Hitler’s great granddaughter or the spawn of Satan who will suffocate him and not allow him to have one fun moment as long as he’s with you.
If he’s a royal asshole, he’ll probably tell you he’s serious about you and go on to name your first child. After he has sex with you, you’ll never hear from him again.
Every guy starts off wanting to fool around and have fun. It’s your ACTIONS not your words that determine the direction of the relationship and the nature of his feelings. The whole point of the dating process is to learn about each other.

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4.       The Goodie Two-Shoes: Last week I mentioned how women are attracted to the Alpha Male; a powerful, smart man who never comes across as eager or desperate. That being said, why would a man like a weak, eager and desperate woman? What man ever had a sexual fantasy about fragile anemic woman? It’s usually the dominating nurse, school teacher, and so on.
A foolish, nice girl will put her man before her in everything because she is scared of losing him. She will never argue with him and she will never allow her schedule to conflict with his. He is always her priority.
You don’t want to always agree with a man just because you want to please him. You must have your own opinions. If he doesn’t like that new pair of shoes you bought, who cares! Don’t stop wearing them. If he does something wrong or disrespectful, you mustn’t stand for it. For example, if he’s two hours late to pick you up, explain to him in a firm way that your time is precious to you and that he should let you know next time. If he’s late again, take the initiative and cancel your date. If he tells you he wants to go out for dinner on Wednesday and it conflicts with your schedule (even if it’s your yoga class), postpone the date to another day. When you do these things it doesn’t mean he will go and find someone else who is more understanding, it means he will respect you more for being an independent woman.

5.       The Over-Trying/Doing/Needing/Nagging:  When you are dating a guy, never give too much. A mistake that women fall into is that when they care a lot about someone, they tend to worry a lot and give a lot. Worrying a lot puts you in the same category with his mama. When you become his mama it’s game over, because mama will never walk away if he’s acting bad (so he takes advantage of that) . . . and also because no man views his mama as a sexual being, and the last thing you want is for him to start desiring other women. “Don’t drink too much. Are you eating right? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you exercising? Don’t forget to call Mark. Don’t forget to take your vitamins.” You are not his mama! Or his nurse or his nanny or his secretary.
When a woman gives all her time to a man, she becomes emotionally dependant. This is wrong. No guy likes a needy, dependant woman that can’t stand on her own two feet. Never let go of your daily routine for a man; keep your friendships and social life intact, give priority to your work, spend time with your family, and most importantly, always have your “ME” time. Whether it’s hiking, painting, reading a book, your alone time is therapeutic; it allows you to relax and de-stress – versus venting to him . . . all the time . . . like a psycho.
Never ever quit your job to spend more time with him, and what’s worse, depending on him financially. With time he will lose respect for you, start viewing you as a burden and will boss you around and control your life.
Never overdo things. When you start seeing a guy and you cook for him, it comes across as desperate, “I’m trying so hard to please you because I can’t believe a guy actually looked at me.” What’s worse is that he’ll think you cook for every guy you meet. My Ex kept insisting that I cook for him. So I did. He started expecting me to do that on a frequent basis. We stopped going out for dinner and he stopped saying “Thank you”. One day, I “accidentally” burnt his pots, set half the kitchen on fire, and it took 3 days to get the horrible odor out of his apartment. Ever since, we’d always go out for dinner or order in. He even cooked for me a few times, after which I said “Thank you”.
When you’re too nice, a guy gets comfortable and takes you for granted. When a girl gives too much, she usually expects the guy to give more. It never works that way. He will give less and less till one day she’s the only one giving and that’s when she becomes needy and naggy – which only pushes him further away. In this case, take five steps back and focus on yourself. You know who else will be focusing on you? Him of course.

6.       The Demanding Diva: Of course every man likes to treat his woman, but no man enjoys feeling that he is expected to all the time without feeling gratitude. A woman may make the man feel that he’s obliged to pay for her dinner and buy her things. She shows no gratitude and even behaves as though she is expecting it. By offering to pay sometimes and by saying thank you every time and showing your gratitude to your man’s generosity and thoughtfulness, he looks forward to doing more for you. Whereas if you act indifferent about it, he doesn’t feel rewarded or appreciated for his efforts and he will stop doing them or even stop seeing you altogether.
You also shouldn’t expect him to do things and then scold him for not doing them. Judge him by who he is and not by his potential. If you can’t accept him as he is, don’t try to change him – simply walk away.
For example, if you want him to call you when he reaches home and he forgets, it sounds ridiculous when you yell at him, “Why didn’t you call me, why?!” If he wanted to call you, he would have.

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7.       The Predictable Pattern: Never fall into a predictable pattern with a guy. Always keep him on his toes. If he’s used to you calling him three times a day (when you wake up, when you finish lunch, and when you’re off to bed) stop it! Change that pattern. If he expects to see you every evening at 7 pm, change that pattern. If he expects you to answer every time he calls, change that pattern. Nothing kills romance like routine. When two people get too comfortable, they stop making an effort. When everything is predictable, the spark dies. Don’t always be at his beck and call. It’s good to be unavailable from time to time. It’s good that he wonders where you are and what you’re doing. I don’t understand why couples are expected to report back to each other every time they breathe, “Hey baby. I just left home. Just got to Tina’s house. Just stopped by the gas station. Just farted.” It’s B-O-R-I-N-G! It turns your relationship into something robotic, mechanical and void of passion.

8.       The Drama Mama: Don’t hang on every word he says. Focus on his actions. Do not overreact about every single little thing. Do not constantly talk about your feelings and what you’re feeling and how your feelings are hurt. Go eat some chocolate and get over it. Men freak out when they hear the word “feelings” or “emotions”. Never overanalyze what he says or does; his brain is so, so simple. If he comments that some girl has a nice ass, don’t throw a hissy fit. It’s not like he’s going to pounce on her; he’s probably just saying it to get a reaction from you. Don’t scream or cry or shout while you’re arguing with him – keep your composure so that he takes you seriously. When a man calls you dramatic, it’s because he perceives you as emotional. Men consider emotional people childish and do not take them seriously. Keep that in mind the next time your mascara is running down your cheeks as you wail at him, “YOU DON’T LOVE ME! YOU DON’T APPRECIATE ME! I HAVE FEELINGS. I NEED ATTENTION. NAG NAG NAG.” Chill. It’s logical: if too much talking bothers men, why not try doing the opposite? Don’t talk at all. Distance yourself. That ought to get his attention and send your message across without all the drama.

Men can be children. Women can be idiots. We all have our flaws, but if we try to learn a bit more about how the other sex functions, we’d all know how to communicate and behave better – and avoid the “What went wrong? Everything was perfect,” sob story.
Always remember, a man is not responsible for your happiness; you are.

“Well done is better than well said.” Benjamin Franklin

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8 Stupid Mistakes Men Make With Women

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Have you men ever wondered what you may have done wrong to make her stop answering your calls? Did she go from super infatuated to super disgusted in 48 hours? Below are some stupid mistakes men tend to make in the early stages of dating someone. To those who are clueless, read and learn.To those who know but choose to ignore, read and be reminded of how unpleasant you are.

1.       The Eager Beaver: Seriously, don’t act like you’re going to pop a vein in your neck just to please us. We appreciate gentlemen and chivalrous behavior, but we also feel like you’re insecure when you’re trying too hard to be nice. Do not choke on your water while laughing to a lame joke of ours. Do not shower us with compliments every five minutes as if you have an OCD of some sort: *drinks beer* “You’re so pretty,” *turns off radio* “You’re so funny,” *drives car* “You’re amazing”. The trick here is to make us earn our compliments. Women like a good challenge too.

2.       The Sex-Obsessed: Obviously, we want to be sexy. We want you to find us sexy and have all sorts of dirty thoughts. We certainly do not want to remind you of your mother, but we also do not want to be pounced on by horndogs. A horndog is a man that will call a woman at 4 am to express his feelings of horniness and how she can help in that department . . . after a first date. A Horndog is a guy that has crazy hands after your first dinner together. A horndog is a guy that will keep pushing for sex by making the girl feel guilty for not putting out. A horndog’s approach is usually – and generally – an EPIC FAIL. Before a girl gives herself to a guy, she likes to know that he’s interested in her personality and not just her body. The trick here is to pace yourself. Give every stage the amount of time it needs . . . even sex.  When you do eventually get her into bed, please do not reenact your favorite porno movie. NOT sexy.

3.       The Possessive Papa: When you’re in a fresh relationship, try your best not to turn into the mighty hulk because it’s such a major turn off andfirst date mistakes men make La Wlooo!!!...8 Stupid Mistakes Men Make With Women red flag for us women. Imagine this scenario: You watched the game with the boys, and obviously since your woman has a life of her own, she goes out drinking with some friends. Your game finishes and you realize she’s still out (although it isn’t even midnight yet) so you call her. She doesn’t pick up. You call her again, once, twice, eight times . . . no answer. You BBM her, text her, Facebook her, tweet to her – at this point you’ve approached her from every angle (like a stalker) telling her things like, “Who the heck are you with? Are you cheating on me? Who’s the guy? What are you doing till this hour? Who are you doing till this hour?”
At this point, she’s thinking “Oh my Gosh . . . FREAK!” and you’re lucky if she doesn’t run as far away from you as possible. The trick here is to call once or twice tops, and then wait for her to call you back. Don’t make a grand reaction or dramatic speech – act cool and keep your composure. She’ll even be surprised and intrigued at how self-confident and in control you are.

4.       The Cheap Creep: No matter how modern and independent a woman is, and even if she makes a good living and pays all her bills herself, she will still judge how much a man likes her depending on how many times he pulls out his wallet. While decent women are happy paying every three or four dates, making a woman pull out her wallet too soon is a major turn off. This sends a message to us that you are definitely not the type of man we see ourselves with, whether it’s now or 10 years from now.
You may never, under any circumstance, allow a woman to pay on a first date – or what’s even worse “split the bill”. This has nothing to do with women being shallow or materialistic . . . this is about men being chivalrous, debonair gentlemen. The trick here is to always remember the basics, be old school and charming; be a gentleman. You don’t need to take her out to the most expensive restaurant, but make sure you take her somewhere where you can afford to pay for dinner yourself. It’s not about your money, it’s about your generosity.

5.       The Ex-Oriented: Never forget that women and men come from different schools of thought. While men may perceive another man to be challenging, women get disgusted by another woman being in the picture – especially if it’s the Ex. NEVER talk about your Ex. We don’t want to know how amazing she was or how she broke your heart or listen to the sob story of how you don’t know how things went wrong. We are not your buddy, and even your buddies might find you pathetic if you’re still dwelling on your Ex months after you’ve broken up.
Three words: GET OVER IT.
It is unsexy to listen to you whining about another woman. It emasculates you. We also cannot bear the thought of dealing with all that extra baggage. Our aim in life is not to make you forget an old love and heal your wounds and help you fly again, we want someone who is in top shape so we don’t have to worry about breaking his fragile heart or hurting his sensitive feelings. We want an alpha male.

6.       The Beer Buddy: It’s crucial to have fun with your woman and enjoy good conversation with her. It’s very important to be comfortable around each other and feel as though you are friends and can talk about almost anything together. BUT, what some men fail to understand is that treating a woman like she’s one of the guys is a complete no-no. It’s very bizarre when you start talking to us about that woman’s fine ass or start burping after every meal and insist on farting while watching TV. Would you like it if a woman took you on a tour of her endometrium while she explained how she will be shedding blood in 3 days? Or if she spilled her heart out to you about how her left breast is larger than her right one . . . or how her manicurist filed her nails wrong or how she’s considering anal bleaching.
Trick here is: You do not have sex with your male buddy (granted you’re not homosexual). Hence, try to keep your farting and burping to yourself. Always remember that a woman is a woman and not one of your dudes. Continue treating her like a woman no matter what. Whether it’s how you speak to her or how you treat her. Don’t be a slob!

7.       The Cocky-Dudle-Doo: I have recently learned a new piece of trivia about parrot training. While training a parrot, you must keep it at a level below yours so that it does not forget that you are the master. If you extend your finger to it while the parrot’s at a higher level, it will bite your finger. The trick here is to put the parrot on the ground where it feels more vulnerable; when you extend your finger now, the parrot will climb onto it instead – Job well done.
This is where the term “Cocky” comes from. Men tend to confuse self-confidence with cockiness. There’s nothing sexier than a self-confident man, someone who knows that he does not need to exude arrogance and behave as though he’s better than everyone else in order to gain admiration. A self-confident man is fair and has his feet firmly on the ground. A cocky man will always try to make the woman feel as though she’s lucky to have him or even to bask in his majestic presence; he will always try to be condescending. I say, get your feet back on the ground you measly little parrot because no woman enjoys being around a self-worshipping “man” with a God complex.

8.       Sir Brag-a-lofirst date La Wlooo!!!...8 Stupid Mistakes Men Make With Woment: If you are privileged enough to have a sick house and an eye-catching ride, good for you. Your woman will eventually see all your expensive belongings and you’ll have more than enough time to impress her. If you have a killer job and an enviable education, you will also have plenty of time to talk about them and amaze her. But, it’s simply unacceptable to be sitting across from a woman on your first date while telling her, “Oh yes, I drive my Porsche to work because there’s a lot of traffic. I leave the Ferrari for the nighttime when I drive over to one of the clubs I own. Did I mention that I own an entire office building in the Downtown area? It is ten minutes away from my ten million dollar apartment. On the weekends I like sleeping in my boat while I’m cruising to Cyprus.” All this is said while flaunting your expensive watch.
The example given above – although an exaggeration – is the definition of “disgusting”. It’s the definition of what not to say on a first date or on any date for that matter.
If a woman has standards, values, a brain, and good taste, she will leave you in the middle of dinner and never talk to you again. She will never take your calls, and if you ever run into each other, she will run in the opposite direction as she tells her friend how much of a retard you are.
If she does happen to stick around, you may notice a sparkle in her eyes, possibly shaped like a dollar sign surrounded by glittery stars, because this gold digger knows she’s hit the jackpot.
What baffles me is that men complain to me every day about how gold diggers are everywhere and cannot be avoided. What I’ve noticed is that those who complain the most are those who flaunt their expensive possessions the most. The trick here is to maintain an aura of mystery; let the woman explore and discover these things about you. First, you’ll filter out the gold diggers. Second, you’ll maintain your class and not seem like you’re nouveau riche and vulgar.

Yes, we women do have our flaws, but that doesn’t make men’s flaws any more acceptable; and in all fairness it will be the women’s turn next week.
Men have this thing about their ego; they will stop at nothing to prove that they’re indestructible, strong, rational beasts that are unaffected by women’s “manipulative attempts”. I bet if men had the chance to pound their chest while standing on the roof of a building, they’d do it just to flaunt their masculinity. We get it, you’re powerful creatures that cannot be swayed (bla bla), but that logic has nothing to do with being a gentleman. Being a gentleman is the biggest sign of power in a man. Knowing what pleases a woman is the biggest sign of wisdom in a man. Of course, the average man will have read a few lines of this and said “Bullocks! This is utter crap. Women are the problem here, not men.” And that my friends, is the typical reaction of a coward.
Remember, a man won’t get anywhere with a woman without possessing good manners and making some effort.

“A man who treats his woman like a princess is proof that he has been born and raised in the arms of a queen.”

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Why Vampires Are Sexier Than Men

Little girls grew up watching fairy tales, where the prince on the white horse arrives to woo and rescue his soon-to-be princess. Just as we miserably realized that this son of a prince doesn’t exist, a new trend kicked in: vampire movies.
Yes, vampires are intended to be scary, gruesome, creatures of the darkest places, but not anymore. Thanks to the Twilight Saga’s sexy Edward and The Vampire Diaries’ beautiful brothers Damon and Stefan, vampires are the new craze that women everywhere are just dying for (no pun intended).

Being a vampire fanatic myself, I decided to put together a few points – based on my opinion – on why these vampire characters are just so much more awesome than the real men we unfortunately deal with on a day to day basis. Can men take pointers from these blood-sucking fiends? I say heck yeah!

Vampires are Charming: What woman doesn’t love to be swept off her feet? Vampires are always so charming, of course because they were born at least 400 years ago and acquired proper breeding and manners; whether it’s dancing the waltz or kissing a woman’s hand, they have perfected their charm and charisma.
This beats the “hey! Nice ass” remark that we hear every now and then, and the “sorry, I don’t dance” excuse. Allow me to shrug: UGH!!

Vampires are Romantic: One would think that being dead would sort of, you know, kill your feelings. But no, vampires are filled with emotions and drama. The sexy vampire male lead is always a hopeless romantic (and of course, is always in love with an ugly, always dramatic girl). The vampire will love his woman from the depth of his soul and will stop at nothing to please her (once again, this is quite ridiculous since he’s supposedly dead and soulless).
This beats a man not even once attempting to open the car door for his lady.

Vampires are Eternal: Not only do they live forever, but their love is forever as well. The vampire may pick the ugliest girl of the bunch, but he will worship her for eternity. What if she tragically dies? He will roam the earth for 200 years, searching for ways to bring her back to life.
*sigh*
This sure as heck beats a guy who falls out of love after four years and falls into cheating  because “four years was such a long time – it killed the romance.” Try 400!

Vampires are HOT: has anyone other than me paid attention to how absolutely perfect and gorgeous these vampire men are? Pardon me while I catch my breath, but I believe these actors were custom-made to make women’s hearts melt, everywhere. This is probably why almost every vampire movie is a chick flick. You simply cannot watch it with your man because you’ll inevitably compare him to the vampire hunk and as a result, you’ll loathe him.
Why? Because male vampires have insanely sexy bodies and intensely magnetic eyes – EPIC sexiness!
This beats the “I’m eight months pregnant” belly that so many men flaunt.

Vampires are Wise: Yes, the wisdom they’ve acquired over the centuries puts an encyclopedia to shame. And what woman doesn’t love learning about the world from her vampire man? He’s literally been to every corner of the earth, probably speaks 17 languages, and knows how to bring peace to the Middle East.
Once again, *sigh*.
This beats the philosophizers (who actually know nothing) whose conversation we pretend to be interested in.

Vampires are Impeccable Dressers: Once again, HOT! It’s either super cool/sexy or extremely neat/slick. Either way, the vampire will walk through a room and turn every woman’s (and man’s) head. Why? ‘Cause he’s HOT!
This beats men who dress like they’re homeless hobos with no mirror and no sense of style, color, or logic.

Vampires are Strong: A vampire will stop at nothing to offer the utmost protection to his lady (once again, no matter how ugly she is; *cough* Bella *cough*). Sorry, I do not usually cough while I’m typing.
He will fight other evil vampires, werewolves, and boring humans, all to protect the love of his 450-year-old life. If a vampire is in Miami and his woman is in Moscow, he will sense if she’s in danger and come to rescue her within seconds.
Now why don’t men do that? – I’m kidding, chill.
This beats a pretend-macho man who likes to do a “mashkal” outside the club to score points with the hopefully horrified and unfortunate girl that’s with him.

Vampires are Dangerous: In a sexy way of course. They are probably dangerous to everyone except the woman they love. When he is a danger to his woman, he always ends up looking good and scoring points because he fought the urge to bite her (yummy!). This is usually followed by drama, tears, and bonding – and possibly vampire sex – but the point is, the vampire even makes biting, blood, drama, and tears look sexy.
This beats the “Abul Ghadab” tattoo biker who thinks he looks dangerous because people don’t look at him (when in reality people look away to avoid laughing in his face . . . because it’s rude).

Men everywhere probably have a raised eyebrow right now and are thinking “who does she think she is to generalize men and compare us to a fictional species and expect us to be more like them?!”
(Now please repeat that sentence in a Texan accent)

Ah well, vampires are fictional indeed – unfortunately (yes, I do have a sick love for vampires). And men, you can all rest assured because us women don’t even expect you to aspire to be a gentleman* (or put down the toilet seat), let alone have a vampire’s sense of class, style, and manners. We lost all inklings of hope long, long, ago – you’ve successfully taken that away, but you can’t take away our silly dreams of someday finding a man like Edward or Damon or Stefan (minus the blood-drinking and neck-biting).

*a real species (I promise)

“A gentleman may love like a lunatic, but not like a beast.” François de la Rochefoucauld

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